Keys to the Hot Rod

So Rod Blagojevich, perhaps the most entertaining political figure since Charles Thomson and James Searle got into a slap fight with their canes in 1800, recently found himself the recipient of a standing ovation. The ovation came courtesy of the Illinois senate’s unanimous decision to have Blago removed from office, but they were standing as they cheered. His dubious actions as Governor have every law enforcement agency short of the Woodfield Mall Security team on his case and now the former Governor is on the outside looking in.
Hot Rod finished dead last in a polling of governors by Rasmussen in 2008(on a list that included Sarah Palin, Ed Rendell, and Elliot Spitzer), yet Blagojevich still had his moments. Whether he was trying to blackball a newspaper as he fought to keep Wrigley Field or organizing a state wide boycott of businesses, Governor Blagojevich managed to stay firmly planted in the spotlight. Watching him over these last few weeks I am sure he will continue his front page power and garner the spotlight well into his inevitable prison term for abuse of power and his Ebay auctioning of President Obama’s vacant senate seat.
Despite this, he may be the only politician, outside of the President, that has a ‘Q’ rating higher than Tom Cruise. He went on a press junket instead of attending his impeachment trial proceedings. He has stated that he really wanted to choose Oprah for the open senate seat but didn’t have her number. I suppose we should be thankful he didn’t have RuPaul’s number?
And so what if he saw the open seat as the golden passport of Kublai Khan. Opening the floodgates to riches beyond what his marginally lucid mind could conceive(although apparently Jesse Jackson Jr could conceive since his name popped up early into this mess) is so wrong?
Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face. Larry Craig found it impossible to contain his raging libido as he sat in an airport bathroom stall. George Bush, up until last week, was listening in on our cell phone conversations.

Ted Kennedy left his date and his car submerged in a creek(Oh yeah Ted, we didn’t forget about Mary Jo Kopechne).
Hot Rod wanted to make a couple of quick bucks for a position he had the gubernatorial power to appoint. So what? He needs to stay in politics. His whirling dervish displays of crazy are a breath of fresh air in the stale stagnant political arena. This is when everyone else would be holding a presser with their family next to them and staggering through a half hearted attempt at an apology. Explaining their sincerest regret for their actions to their family, the voting public, and of course to God, is number three on the ‘You Just Screwed Up’ list of things to do for politicians facing a scandal. It’s right after the ‘Deny it’ stage and the ‘Admit it but only after strong evidence has come to light and now you are facing a divorce, or running for President, or up for re-election, or you cheated on your cancer stricken wife’ stage.
What did Hot Rod do? Apologized for nothing. Blamed his impeachment on vindictive Illinois politicians and did his best to conjure up comparisons between he and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as both were led away in handcuffs(You have got to give it to the guy, he has a set a stones the size of the pyramids at Giza.). I half expect him to show up for interviews now like Apollo Creed in Rocky I. A whole train of people, floats, costumes, and music accompanying him as Blago is in an Uncle Sam outfit singing ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game’.

Truth be told, Hot Rod is facing jail time. Serious jail time and his legal council, Edward Benson, has already quit. This case is going to develop it’s own gravitational pull for publicity and media attention and he quit. What lawyer voluntarily turns his back on media coverage to make an Angelina Jolie 2nd Trimester story jealous? Blago’s lawyer. In his own words, Benson said he doesn’t expect his clients to do exactly as he tells them but he does expect them to listen to him. It is very possible Benson made mention of Rod trying a new hair style. That head of hair of his looks like a Ted Koppel model in a Madame Tussuad’s Wax Museum exhibit.
Well I guess, according to the unanimous vote by the Illinois senate to throw Hot Rod out, me and
Geraldo Rivera are the only ones who agree Blagojevich got a raw deal? Sure Blago acts more like he’s auditioning for the ‘Ellis Fielding’ role for the ‘Loose Cannons’ sequel than a governor, but we voted Bush/Cheney to two terms. We let Tom DeLay redraw his districts with the assistance of an Etch-a-Sketch. The Kennedy’s have been involved with more crimes and misdemeanors than all in attendance at a Gotti family reunion. We can’t forgive and forget?
Rod Blagojevich’s problem and his appeal(that only can be compared to the appeal of a car accident) was his insistence on his innocence. Quite possibly, with one well timed public apology, doing his best to refrain from dropping an ‘F’ bomb(he and his wife Patricia have mouths that would make a sailor blush), Hot Rod might have found himself still sleeping in the Governor’s mansion. Now? He’ll be lucky to rent a room from the Chicago Holiday Inn Express on North Wabash. It is just a shame, and I’m sure Geraldo agrees, that a political figure so engaging and entertaining(all be it completely out of his mind too) as Rod Blagojevich, is not going to be around to upset the status quo currently going on among all the other Washington criminals waiting for their moment to shine(and apologize) in the spotlight.

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One response to “Keys to the Hot Rod

  1. You know your intelligence greatly surpasses mine. I find that attractive in a man. But, seriously how do you do it? Your writing is intellectual, stimulating, and spiked with some saucy humor. There it is, your very first review from your favorite critic. Keep it up, Jimmy.

    Like

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