Conversations with a Canine.

The past two days I have been off from work, getting ready to start my new job.  I had planned for Monday and Tuesday to be days to get some things done.  I would be free from the kids who were at school (mandated by the state) and a wife at work (mandated by the mortgage company’s need for payment every 1st of the month). I had to work out insurance. I had to figure out how I we were going to afford to keep the heat above 62 degrees so I thought a little time to do all of this and relax would be nice.

What I found out was, having a few days off is fun…for about an hour.

I’m used to having the noise and commotion of a Judas Priest concert during an F-5 tornado in my house.  In the absence of any noticeable racket, or crying, or yelling, or thuds, or something breaking (ie-a normal day) I turned to my dog, Penny for some meaningful conversation (I would’ve talked to the cat but that would have been ridiculous.).

(What comes next are snippets from our conversations over the two days. All of Penny’s words I have taken creative liberty with since I don’t speak dog nor was I willing to sniff her female parts to learn)

Penny: (head cocked unsure why I am still home) “Are we doing something? Are you staying? Do you want me to do something? Oooh, my rope, let’s play with this!”
Me:  “No Penny. I don’t want to play rope.”
Penny:  “No rope? Ok, I can sit? Want me to sit? I’ll sit. Wait, are you getting up? I’ll get up too. Did you say treat?”
Me:  “We have to sort the laundry Penny. Let’s go upstairs.”
Penny:  “Is that socks? Are you getting socks? I love socks. Can I eat one? Oooooh socks. Hey, wait for me! Did you say treat?”
Me:  “Penny, drop that sock!”
Me:  “Lay down Penny.  I have some work to get done. And no barking, I have to make a phone call.”
Penny: (the dog positions herself under the table at my feet) “Lay down. Sure. I can lay down. I’m going to lay at your feet. If you want I can lick your feet? Is that weird? It is weird isn’t it? I’ll lick your shoes instead. Can I smell your socks?”
Me:  “Penny, stop that.”
Penny:  “Sorry. I’ll stop. Are you getting up? I can get up. I can go with you. Are you going somewhere? Did you say treats?
Me:  “No treats right now. I just have to get the phone. Lay back down…lay down!”
Me: (coming in from grocery shopping) “Penny, I’m home!”
Penny:  (in her crate waiting rather impatiently to get out) “Oh man, oh man, oh man! I thought you were NEVER coming back but here you are!! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! You’re BACK!”
Me: “Ok, relax, I’ll let you out. Did you miss me?”
Penny:  “I’m out! OUT!! Letmelickyourface!”
Me:  “Penny, relax, I was gone for fifteen minutes. You did miss me didn’t you?”
Penny: “You were gone forever and I never thought you were coming back!!! But you’re back now! Do I get a treat?”
Me: “No Penny, this is my lunch. You can eat later.”
Penny:  “I’ll finish that for you. Are you going to eat all that? That smells good. I can wait until you drop some of it like the kids. Man do they drop a lot of food. I can wait. Should I sit? I’ll sit. Did you say treat?”
Me:  “Sit….sit… Good dog.”
Penny:  “I’m a little tired. I’m going to lie here on the floor and close my eyes for a minute. Wake me up if you go anywhere ‘cause I’ll go too. Okay…Areyougoingsomewhere?!?! Where? I’ll go too!”
Me:  “Penny, I just moved my foot. Calm down. I’m not going anywhere. Go back to sleep.”
Penny:  (laying back down)“Whew, I thought you were going somewhere without me. I’ll come if you go but if not I’m just gonna lay my head down and take a quick nap…(pops her head back up)did you say treat?”
Me:  “No Penny. No treat.”
Penny: (lays head back down and lets out a tired exhale)“Oh. Okay then.”
Me:  “This is our last day together Penny. I have to go to work tomorrow.”
Penny:  (head cocked to the side) “Huh? Are you going to give me a sock?”
Me:  (On one knee in front of the dog)“I had fun with you. Thanks for keeping me company. Thanks for talking. I love you puppy.”
Penny: (now on my shoulders licking my face) “Oh, I love you too.”
Me:  “Hey, how about a treat?”

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