Worth Fighting For

My wife and I got in to a fight the other night.  It wasn’t quite Balboa vs Drago, but none the less, significant.  I’m pretty sure the fight originated from my (alleged) utter lack of sensitivity and escalated when my then purposeful lack of sensitivity stoked the flames.

In our 11 years of marriage, my wife and I have had some epic battles.  Shake the walls type of fights.  After the ‘Honeymoon Phase’ (that phase when everything you do is cute, right down to your flatulence) when we were first married, we fought over absurd things.  We fought over clothing left on the floor, why one of us wasn’t sitting with the other on the sofa, not answering a ‘Do I look fat in this dress’ question with a fast or emphatic enough ‘No!’.  The fights also started out of nowhere, like a flash mob (but instead of singing and dancing there is shouting and name calling). Like this:

“Who are you looking at?”


“Who are you looking at?”

“No one.”

“You’re looking at that girl over there aren’t you?”


“You are such a jerk. Why don’t you go see if she’ll do your wash and listen to you snore at night?”

Or, sometimes like this:

“Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

“What does, ‘I don’t know’, supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know?”

“You just don’t get it do you? It’s how you say things. Can you understand that?”

“I don’t know?”

By the time the argument was over, neither one of us knew why we started it and if it was really worth fighting for in the first place?

Thankfully, those days are gone.

As we have gotten older, I have gotten myself a set of dark sunglasses and our fights are much more infrequent because understand each other’s quirks and triggers.  My wife understands I’m an idiot and occasionally a pig. I understand it’s not always my words but how I say them. What would have prompted a fight 11 years ago now we let roll off of our backs.  The things we tend to fight about now, at least from our perspective have much more weight attached to them.  Like this:

“This is what we have in our checking account.”

“How do we only have that!?”

Its a part of human nature to be combative (just look at Republicans and Democrats).  We might be able to avoid some fights were not for times we’ve bottled up emotions (at the dinner table, during the sermon at church).  Those bottled up feelings will eventually boil to the surface and be released.  Something needs to be said (or shouted).  Fighting with my wife can be cathartic.  It airs out our feelings.  It lets us know where we stand and how we feel.  Granted, there might be better way to accomplish this than fighting, but there seems to be something about raising your voice by 3 octaves that really drives home a point.

Fighting with my wife is nothing unusual; I’m no Patron Saint of Marriage (you’re shocked, I know it) and my wife can be absolutely infuriating (she’s shocked, I know it).  Knowing our emotions can bubble over is, as strange as it may sound, how we know we care.  If we were apathetic about whatever it is we’re “discussing”, that would worry me more than an argument (no matter how it might escalate). This is why, over the years, in order to have this marriage and be with my wife, whom I love very much, I have found, at times, it’s been worth fighting for.

“Anything worth having is worth fighting for” – Thomas Jefferson (Either he was talking about the Nation’s Independence or he was referring to his wife…yeah, probably his wife.)


6 responses to “Worth Fighting For

  1. Another great post. You’ve hit the “marriage nail” right on the head. Or…something like that.


  2. My husband and I will celebrate 11 this month. I can relate to every word. I get so angry at not what he says, but how he says it. I, on the other hand, am an angel. 🙂

    And we both know it’s worth it.


  3. Hello! I found you awhile ago on Blogfrog and became a follower. I’ve really enjoyed your posts. You have great wit! I was recently awarded The Versatile Blogger badge and I want to pass it on to you. Please stop by my latest post for details:)


  4. “I don’t know?”–“You just don’t get it do you? It’s how you say things. Can you understand that?”–“I don’t know?”

    ^LOL – my that sounds familiar. For me, this started with lectures from my mother. You’d think I’d-of learned by now. 😀


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