Tag Archives: humor

12 Days of Christmas. Remix 2013

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Remix of the 12 Days of Christmas as written by my children.

For the past 3 years, I have tried to inject some new blood in to the Christmas classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, by asking my kids for new lyrics. Each of the past two years has yielded a variety of answers that are both equal parts head scratching and hilarious so I sat down with them again to see what sort of answers they would give me.

Last year I had to beg, plead, and eventually order them to put down their electronic devices so we could do our remix. This year, I made them dinner, we all sat in the kitchen, and before they were finished with their applesauce, I sprung it on them (it helped that I hid all the chargers in the house for the past 3 days too).

Once again, I was eager to find out if another year gone by has given my kids any sort of perspective on the holidays. What I found out, like the 2 years before, perspective has less to do with it than them trying to one up each other for the silliest lyrics. Then again, I don’t know how I would have taken it had one of them, instead of 6 Geese a Layin’, said 6 People Signed up to Obamacare?

The holidays are about family, friends, good will towards man, but what I have found and what makes the holidays so much fun is, remembering to let the kid inside all of us to come out and enjoy the season too.

So without further ado, I give you our 12 Days of Christmas Remix.

Enjoy!

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On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Continue reading

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Conversations with my Wife. Christmas Decorating

If the onslaught of buy one get one half off sales, the bombardment of mail from retail chains, and trampled store employees has yet to clue you in…Tis the Season!

Christmas is rapidly closing in on us. Nothing gets you more merry, jolly, ready to side step anyone not in a full on sprint in store aisles, and throat punch senior citizens for the latest and greatest whatever like putting up the decorations.

Every year, the Sunday after Thanksgiving (when I usually come out of the tryptophan coma I’ve been in for the past 48 hours wears off), my family and I unload the Christmas decorations, put on some holiday music, and turn our house in to Santa’s backyard.

Sometimes I have been known to smite the makers of outside Christmas lights in a flurry of swear words and unmitigated anger. Sometimes everything lights, no one cries, and no one has to say any Hail Mary’s for taking the Lord’s name in vain…repeatedly. Regardless of how it goes, communication is the key to making sure everyone survives this day and all 37 Santas find their proper resting place for the next month. Continue reading